I’ve been going to therapy lately, and my therapist gave me a task for the next month. Be uncomfortable.
I’m uncomfortable with the idea of being uncomfortable. When she said it, my skin started to crawl, and I was all “yea, I don’t think that’s gonna be a thing”.
However, here’s her logic (which is actually pretty good). I am a control freak, but I lead a life where I don’t get to control a lot of things about my life, like if/when I get sick. So since I feel so out of control about my body, I control everything else that I can. I tend to obsess over things, things that went wrong, or went right. Things from that past that I wish I could change, and my own behaviors that I don’t understand. I process and analyze and process and analyze and drive myself crazy. I don’t like being out of control of myself and part of how I do that, is by not putting myself in uncomfortable situations. By not looking stupid. By not trying new things. By repeating safe behaviors because they are familiar. I am not a risk taker, I mean, I do dumb shit but I’ll plan out my dumb shit.
So my therapist said, in order to keep moving through this stage in my life where everything sucks, I need to get uncomfortable and break out of habits and patterns. Even good patterns. I need to change-up my life. So she gave me a task of being uncomfortable for the next month. And in reality, it will probably be longer than a month. But she encouraged me to go to things alone, try new activities, and generally just do things that are way out of my comfort zone in an effort to connect with myself. To hopefully stop torturing myself with all my processing and analyzing and perhaps even learn a thing or two.
The question now, is what do I do?
There is a yoga class for people with MS that I think I’m going to go to. I have done yoga once…and hated it. I’ll know no one, and can’t bring a friend.
There randomly is a Buddhist monastery by my house that teaches meditation on Saturday mornings. I can’t think of a place that I belong less than there, so I might try that.
And then the panic sets in. Where do I park? What if I walk in the wrong door? What if I ask a dumb question? What if monks don’t talk and just use hand symbols and I don’t know the hand symbols? What if I think too much about not thinking and I can’t actually meditate? And this is why I don’t ever do new things.
My goal is to do a bunch of uncomfortable shit in the next month. What are you uncomfortable with? Any ideas for me?